Bonding over Gaga

He's 15, I'm 43, and Lord, we sure don't usually agree on a radio station!  However, things are a- changing!  I am told all the time by our counselor, my mother, and the books I read:  "You need to have more conversations that don't involve giving directions, and try to connect with your son!"  So why not bond over music? I mean, it is popular culture, and what makes for a better conversation piece?

Lady Gaga

For the longest time we could never agree on what music to listen to.  I have been into blues, rock, and sometimes alternative.  He would switch it to 93.3 (hardcore) and 97.9 ( a little more bearable).  Okay, maybe I'm blurring the lines between hip hop and pop, but last summer we both loved the Eminem/Rihanni song "The Way You Lie."  No one asked for a channel change!  I sang along!  He pretended not to!  It was great!

So, it helps that I won a pass and have been attending dance fitness classes that mostly jam to, you guessed it, hip hop!   And I must say, I am getting used to the pulsating, danceable rythms...they are actually growing on me!  Now, when I pick him up from somewhere, he opens the car door and says, "Man!  Do you really need the music that loud?"  Are you loving the role-reversal as much as I am?  I allow him to turn it down, but he is usually alright with the music selection.   I have lately had a lot of interesting conversations with him about Lady Gaga, queen of the outrageous.  He knows the songs,  I know of the latest buzz about her ever-changing wardrobe.  She is pushing the boundaries, meat-dress included, but I shall talk no more of that, because a meat-dress is just downright stupid.  Having said that, Gaga is really outrageous, just like that long-remembered 80's icon, Madonna.  She pushed the boundaries, dressed and danced sexy; the similiarities are obvious and glaring.

The original.

Anytime her recent song, "Born this Way", came on, I would play it and sing along.  I, of course, had to point out to him the resemblance to Madonna's "Express Yourself."  The pitch, the beat, the bridge, add in any other musical terms you like....just take a listen to both and you'll see what I mean.  I am, of course, not a music expert, but I have a good ear, as my son has.  I think he enjoyed this type of conversation.  I also informed him of the outrageous costumes, lingerie on stage, suggestive dances, dyed hair, huge hair accessories, and other various things Gaga seems to have "borrowed" from the 80's icon.  Guess what?  Madonna was huge and is probably still living off her 80's earnings.  Gaga seems to be catching on much the same way.   I have poked fun at her and slammed her for being unoriginal.  But she sure seems successful.  My son loves these conversations.  I actually sound like I know something about pop culture.   

But I can't deny that I totally get goosebumps when I hear her latest song,  "Edge of Glory."  Everything is great: her voice, the beat, pretty catchy lyrics too.....I will crank it up and sing along, shimmying my shoulders while driving, inspiring my son to HIDE HIS FACE.  Parents today, we're embarassing.  He'll be alright.  At any rate, I have searched her video on youtube so I could download it.  There she is, blond bob (with hint of black), heavy black eyeliner, and leather lingerie with what seems to be metal accents.  Sound familiar?

Let me just enjoy the song.  We'll have to stay away from the video.  In other genres of pop culture, one of the summer reading books in my son's school is Into the Wild , a true story about a young man he gave up all the monetary trappings of his family and society, and went alone to live off of the land.   We have both seen the movie.  I suggest you do, too.  It was also shown in his Geography class last year, another source for many bonding conversations.  Hey, at this point, if he is willing to talk to me about it, I will have (or develop) an interest, no matter how objective! 



Not bad, old girl. Not bad.

 Summer 2005

5/29/11:  So today is the "big" day (b-day) and I'm well on the way into my forties.  I still would like a better life, and it's been a little challenging lately, but it's really not that bad, and I have accomplished some good things in my life.  One more year passing tells me that I have more chances.  I've lived, I've loved, I've aged.  And I think that's great!

Today, I went to the grocery store with my son and ran into a former student that I taught in 8th grade two years ago.  She smiled and said, "I remember you.  Do you remember me?"

"Oh yeah," I smiled, " Your hair was blond back then!"

"Wow," she exclaimed.  "That seems like so long ago!"  It amazed me to think that she is only a year older than my son, and now she works at the grocery, and is about to be a junior in high school.

She was really so nice to me.  Back in school she was not.  I think she once said she hated me.  She mentioned, "I was so bad back then!  I would never want to be a teacher.  I remember I got thrown out all the time." 

I said, "I remember that too!"  At which the other cashier laughed.  She laughed with me too.  She didn't have to apologize.  Just her courteous behavior today and laughing with me, and heck, saying she remembered me made me feel good.  That and seeing she is responsible enough to have a job! :-)  It makes me feel proud, and that maybe I did something memorable to aid her in her growth, knowing she remembers me with a smile and a laugh.  It was a bright light on this special day.

I got an excellent facebook message from my Uncle Bob, mentioning "let's ride horse or rapids again...but no skydiving!"  And I think, yeah, it's been a pretty good life.  I haven't gone skydiving yet, but I plan to, (against the advice of many including Uncle Bob).  I'd also like to learn to personally fly a Cessna over the Grand Canyon, because that flirty pilot from last time really got me thinking when he said I was the take-over pilot if he passed out!  I still haven't been to Europe, but I'm dreaming and hoping.   I can look back at some good things, and I can look forward to even better, because, even though I think this summer is going to be hard work, I have always, always known how to save, plan, and dream. 

Re-aligning the soul

Sometimes you just need to get back in line, because, admit it, things throw you off.  Little things, like an argument with my teenage son, a week off of work that brings cloudy weather when I most want to get out and explore!  Other things include - eating wrong because you enjoyed what you ate, sleeping too much on that week off because you could, and therefore ended up with snoozer's back...., worries about money, etc. etc.  Luckily, nothing is too horrible this week, but lately I seem to have constant tension in the neck.  I'm putting off the massage, for monetary reasons, and haven't been to yoga because of changes in my son's schedule.  Yet, when I miss yoga, I know how much I need it.  It helps with the tension in the neck, the snoozer's back, digestive discomfort, and even temporarily can wipe away any worries on my mind.  And because of this stressful schedule, I get there less now.  But I shall sit here and stew over my worries no longer, as I'm going to a yoga class this morning.  I will try to reinstate my "home yoga" with the DVD, though the atmosphere is not quite the same (sometimes your family is one of the stressors you want to escape).    Yes, I said that.  Research shows that even good things in your life can be stressors.
     Part of the family stressor is that one of us is a teenager, and Lord knows they have an awful lot of turmoil within...it is easily catchy.  I try very hard to greet life and its challenges calmly, and hope that whatever might catch going from myself to my teen, is a calm, cool composure, perhaps even a positive outlook on life.  The best way I can do that is to work on myself individually to calm whatever turmoil brews.  I owe myself an apology.  I have neglected that.  Sure, I get plenty of sleep and allow time for exercise and reading a book, but my body, my back, my neck is screaming for yoga!   Temporary (and that's the best we get while on earth) Nirvana awaits.  At that, I have to go get ready so that I don't let one more thing interfere with what I need to do.

A Little Healthy "Rule-Breaking"

June 2010
Do you ever just sit and glower in hate at those beautiful people who can eat whatever they want? Well, now I do. I've considered myself a healthy person for a while, several years I would say. I'd eat red meat just now and then, eat granola bars often, lost all the baby weight 4 months after giving birth. (But let me tell you, I did not do it the healthy way. I was simply too busy, catching up at work, catching up with baby when I got home, and never, ever, did I look good enough to me). Somewhere along the line I allowed my son to drag me back into the fast food habit, sometime after becoming a divorced, working mom. He loves Chik-Fil-A, for one, and so do I! However, their chicken is still fried.

For some reason, although I've always been a non-smoker, I got pleurisy last year, probably as a result of my almost-yearly spring-time bronchitis. My boyfriend calls me the allergy queen...though I don't think I'm as bad as his dog, who scratches himself against the metal fence! All these people who smoke, and I have to have the lung problems. Luckily I got over it. Only months later, I was having what seemed to be a gall-bladder attack. Cue in the guilt over my non-cooking, fast-food, eating-out, working mom lifestyle. After multiple tests, the doctor said I had spastic colon. "Watch the rich foods, fried foods, and sweets. Here's a prescription to calm down your digestive system." That prescription works like a charm, even calms me too! I also watch what I eat, haven't had a burger since last August, and only had roast beef once. I've gotten many great healthy ideas from my dad's wife, and from the Whole Foods Market.

I just wish I could be one of those rugged, cowgirl types. Like these men who always say "Gotta have my meat and potatoes." My boyfriend is one of them, but I'll tell you, he sure doesn't over-eat and always has some type of vegetable. Remember the song, "Where have all the cowboys gone?" Love it. It makes me think of those mavericks who ride hard, chase the herd, work all day, and eat what they want, some of them even lighting up a smoke after the work is done. The good old days, without consequences. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't sound romantic to me to smoke and I won't. I just want a blasted cheeseburger!

So, over this next weekend, probably on my boyfriend's birthday, I'm going to get one. I will not think about the consequences, though there most likely will be some, but I am going to enjoy it! Maybe I'll make it a yearly tradition. Rules are no fun if you don't break them now and then. To me, that's a little bit of what freedom is.

The Moment I Fell in Love....

Was beyond being  wooed by a kiss.  Beyond appreciating his kindness in fixing something for me,  beyond my joy in his laugh (which makes being around him lots of fun at times!).  It was when he unwittingly showed me how to appreciate the simplicity in dancing to a different drum...and I showed him something special to me.
Sept. 2010~

It was a calm, quiet dinner at Woody’s BBQ.  I loved my Carolina pulled pork and sweet potato.  He loved his salad, but not the stew.  When finished, he went outside for a smoke and I to the restroom.  I met him outside at the parking lot, where he was staring at a flock of geese standing in the middle of the parking lot.  They go to feed at the nearby pond.  I’ve at times had to dodge a duck while driving in that parking lot! 

“They’re Canadian Geese.”  He said.  “Canadian honkers.”  And yes, they were honking.

“They’re a long way from home,” I replied. 

“Yep.”  He had a smile on his face as he walked closer to them, reminding me of my little boy when he used to chase ducks.

“You gonna catch one?”  I asked, humored. 

“Yeah, there’s dinner,” he replied, jokingly.  He kept slowly moving his tall, lean frame closer, looking awed, while they collectively inched away.  A van drove through, carefully, while the ducks walked forward but not out of their way.  We both laughed at the van.  It was such a kid thing to do, I got a kick out of watching him. 

Then I realized we had a lot of time before our movie would start, so I suggested we take a drive.  I directed him to the park on

Mandarin Rd.

, and the boat landing right beside it.  We walked up on the dock, just in time to see the bright orange sun  slowly lower out of sight on the horizon.  “Good timing,” he said.  It was beautiful.  And then the sky was just blue with a bright orange- pink cast where the sun had been.  It was Sept. 18^th at 7:28 p.m.  The sun had just set, summer was slowly leaving us, and the sky was beautiful and the air was cooler, cool enough for a motorcycle ride that would wait until another day, and I was glad I took him there and shared with him this place, and this experience of sunset, that has touched me inside.  

(Sunset in St. Pete. ) 

Bucking the System!

'Cuz if you don't buck the system, baby, it's gonna bite you!  -July 2010

Yeah, the system bites. So I'm bucking back! My auto insurance renewal papers arrived, with a monthly bill that is 17 dollars higher per month. Last year, on receiving the renewal papers, it had gone up 12 dollars per month. I considered switching to another insurer, but thought I might call them first.

The lady was quite congenial and heard my concerns. She said there were two reasons for the raise in my rates. The first reason is what floored me.

"Based on recent credit rating information, your 'financial responsibility' has had a recent change." I know the meaning of those words, but asked her for more explanation.

"It could be that you have a credit card close to the limit, or some other thing that is showing on your credit report. The company we deal with is ______________, I could give you their number." She appealed kindly.

"No thanks. I really don't see what my financial responsibility might have to do with auto insurance. My driving record has remained clean for the past five years."

"Oh yes," she confirmed, "you are getting the good driver discount." I did not indulge any information about my credit card balance or that I bought a house with my mother in 2007. They got the address change, and anything else was none of their business. All that is their business, is my driving record. I do also seem to recall the monthly rate going up a little when I moved to this side of town, but many people I discussed this with also had similar situations, because maybe there is a higher rate of accidents on this side of town....never mind that I am now in a house where my car can reside safely in a garage....Hellooooo!!!! Yeah, I had let that one go.

So, that's it. The only way I can legally buck the system here, is to call another insurance company. This I did, resulting in changing over to another insurer, for 27dollars less a month. "Financial responsibility..." , this is none of their flippin' business....how dare they discriminate? I'm done...the new insurance takes effect in two days and I called gleefully to cancel the other. The agent at the new insurance company also guffawed at that "financial responsibility" reason; maybe that was his salemanship, but at least for the moment I wasn't feeling all alone in this and I had a way to fight back.

You can't let a business fleece you like that, buck back or they will shuck you like an ear of corn! Not to mention, when I let this teenager of mine learn how to drive, oh, just imagine what the insurance requirements will do to the monthly bill!

Rhode Island, 2010. Following My Heart.

There's nothing like flying to distort your sense of time, and my, time flies when you're....discombobulated.

Rhode Island, 2010, from 6/16 to 6/20. Such a short trip. But I got to take these things with me:
The feel of the Rhode Island sun with a rambunctious wind whipping around me...
The feel of being surrounded by water, though I was not...
The sight of my dad, looking, at times, lively, though preoccupied. He said something like, "Now you can see for yourself." I love it. He is not a quitter, but he does seem concerned about all the meds....
The taste of true New England "chowda", as a friendly Rhode Islander taught me to say it...I must say, it's good--
Knowledge, of what makes anyone go to this little state anyway. I just went to see my dad, but I can see other appeal in it...
A feeling of more closeness to Dad, Ann, my sister Amelia. I consider them all family and family is so important....
A little bit of jet lag, I mean, time flew while we were there, but it was relaxing...Dad would fix me a tall cup of java in the morning and I'd just sit and take my time with it, watching Austen and Amelia play with the cute little dog...and Austen got by just fine without t.v., a computer, or hand-held games, I had to let him take over the camera though..... so we've come back with lots of interesting pictures and maybe he's not so bad at this photography thing....
A taste for healthy, organic food, since that is what they eat at Dad's house, and I've got some new ideas now for recipes....
The sight of my dad opening his Father's Day card from me, soemthing I haven't seen in---how many years? Shoot, I'm 42, but I still want him to be my dad...
It was worth the jet lag. The disequilibrium. Such a short trip, as I've had to get Austen started with his Math tutoring ASAP.
So yes, jetlag, (I'm still discombobulated and sometimes feel as if rocking), but the experience too, and the memories. All are still here with me the day after.

Hitting the "End" Button on My Cell Phone

June, 2010.  It follows the "I love you." It is not final. It is just a good bye for now, and always follows "I love you." But I have at times had trouble believing that. I have, at times, had trouble with the goodbye following "I love you."

My dad and I have been distant at times. He left his marriage to my mom, and the state where I live when I was eleven. He flew me up to see him, once or twice a year. He talked to me on the phone, tried to still be my dad. But we were distant, and sometimes estranged. There were goodbyes with huge spaces in between them.

He checked in to rehab and recovered from alcoholism when I was twenty. He truly did seem to have a "spiritual awakening." This made him more present in my life, even if from afar. He was full of excellent advice and nothing but positive encouragement for me after that. I am sure that helped me in my college endeavor. Lately, he has regularly called me on Sundays. The marriage to his third wife seems to have been a healthy choice, and they both have a healthy lifestyle together. So it was shocking finding out recently that he'd suffered a heart attack at his young age of 65.

He had gone in for a procedure in April, because of an extra heartbeat. Forgive me if I don't remember all of the scientific terms and I don't think I ever will. It seems to be a mental block....I don't want to be familiar with cardiovascular health issues. At any rate, the procedure to fix his extra heartbeat caused blockages and therefore, he had a heart attack.

Listening to him on the phone the day after, speaking to me from his hospital bed in critical care, he sounded so weak. He said, "This really makes you start to think about what really matters." I have admired his spiritual change but can't quite understand the way he works, as a contractor with military logistics, he moves around after jobs, sometimes commutes...I am only to ponder on what he meant with those words, but they choked me up, and I started to think what that statement means for me.

If you thought this day would be your last, wouldn't you want to take the extra step to show those you love how you feel? I haven't seen my dad in two years. That was at my brother's wedding. He's busy, I'm busy. We have our own respective families and lifestyles. In my adult years, I have not approved of his frequent moves. (I loved the house in San Diego, would've loved visiting again...) I've also at times adopted the attitude: "Well, I haven't seen him in two years. If he wants to see us, he can.....visit, send a plane ticket, etc." I guess it's a form of detachment. It's also a little selfish, but a self-preserving mechanism, I'm sure.

Dad was in the hospital a few days; some things weren't looking so good. My brother decided to take time off of work and spend time with him, visit, sit with him in the hospital, hopefully see him on his way back to wellness. He was afraid of losing him finally, too. I chose to stay here, as my son had to work to pull up his grades at the end of this year, but the whole time, I felt divided. I have almost lost my dad before at age 10 due to a hiatal hernia. Those memories came back, and I walked on eggshells for the 7-10 days he was in the hospital. Eric (my brother) was really good about calling me and keeping me posted. It was probably a bonding time for them. Dad finally got released, but is still weak and on the mend.

I just ended a phone call with my dad and pushed the end button once again. After "I love you," came "I'll see you Wednesday." Now that the worry and drama has eased, my son has passed eighth grade, and my work year is almost over. I purchased airplane tickets 2-3 weeks ago to see Dad, his wife, and adopted daughter for a brief visit. I like his family. I am going to see him a little late I guess. But family is one thing that really matters. Did they need me there during the fear and drama of his hospitalization? I think not. In a way it would've made me feel better, though. Why am I going now? Because it's been two years, and because I can.